Here’s my Dare To Love Yourself Challenge Video Day 2 – I share with you my “This Too Shall Pass” Moment:

I have tried affirmations in the past without a huge shift – but I never did stick to it every day for 3 weeks. When I do them I feel like I am lying sometimes. When I’m not in a good mood I can’t possibly believe that many of those phrases could ever be possible.

A friend of mine on Facebook, Nancy Barry-Jansson has taught hundreds of people how to get the most from affirmations and is a coach. Her comment to my Day 1 Challenge video yesterday was “Be kind to yourself, Andrea. If affirmations were *true* you wouldn’t benefit from saying them ~feeling like a stretch means they will stretch your consciousness (if you stick with them). If they are too much of a stretch, you can baby-step them.” The part I bolded really helped me feel better.

I’ve been listening and repeating as much as I can with a full time job, a family, a drastic change of lifestyle and preparing for the Dare To Love Tour. How appropriate to start this tour with loving myself, since as Heather says “You cannot give what you have not received.” I am really enjoying checking in on the private Ning group and hearing stories and getting motivated by knowing I am not only making a difference in my own family, but also in getting others to do this with me.

I do want to put emphasis on what Heather says in the Affirmation Introduction: “Say them with conviction, as if they were your absolute code for living.” Make sure you are putting PASSION into your reciting of the affirmations. If you can’t do this, tweak the affirmations so that they are specific to your needs.

Have you personalized your affirmations?

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“Families don’t need martyrs, they need mothers. You have to take care of yourself first, so you have something to give. You can’t give what you don’t have.” Dr. Phil

This quote was posted by a friend of mine who is taking the Dare To Love Yourself Challenge with me.

Here’s a few videos I recorded, will try to Vlog every day of the Challenge!! =)

I am going to do this as much as I can – morning, noon and night or anytime I need regulation! I put them on an MP3 player and am going to carry it around with me, listening before I go to bed and right when I wake up if I can.

I would at least listen to and recite the affirmations, whichever you feel applies to you. At minimum, do the Affirmational phrases (CD2 last track) if you have time for nothing else. Practice the meditations – once you really know the longer meditation (CD1 track 5) then use track 6 whenever you need to or when you have a tough day.

Most of all, I think approaching this with love for yourself, sharing your intentions with your family and asking for their support will help you stick to it! Today I had a very dysregulated moment and my family helped me through it – my husband and daughter came and hugged me and supported me as I cried myself through the Affirmation of Forgiveness after a blowup and it was so cute, my daughter stuck around as I did the rest of the CD and was agreeing with me. “Yes, you are” “You are doing it now, Mommy.” My heart! It was too precious.

Here is my vlog post for Day 1! I listened to the affirmational phrases (last track, CD2) in the morning 3x until I really felt I could say them “with conviction”. I am one of those that needs a crowbar getting out of bed!

During the walk I did the Forgiveness Affirmations. As I go to bed I’ll do meditation 2 and listen to the music, I really love “This too shall pass”; have it stuck in my head!

Re: last night, getting my daughter off the trike (had to buy one in the box) out of WalMart at 7:30pm – she was SCREAMING her head off, I stayed calm and loving, even though she dug her nails repeatedly into my cheeks, squeezing (thank God I’d cut her nails that day or I’d be bleeding). I told her passionately, “YOU WANT YOUR BIKE! DADDY IS BUYING IT FOR YOU!” and kept offering her love and understanding in my heart. She stopped screaming and told me, “I VERY ANGRY!” and I said “Yes, I can see YOU ARE VERY ANGRY! I understand, YOU WANT YOUR BIKE! It’s OK to be upset.” Surprisingly she didn’t fight me putting her in the car seat and she was asleep before we pulled out of the parking lot.

I knew she was going to have a heard time with this, but we had no choice but to take her after dinner because we sold the car today and wouldn’t have had time in the morning to get her the bike (we returned the Radio Flyer trike she’d had b/c it was squealing terribly after only a few days of use).

So, I am really, really proud of myself for that.I did bring the situation up w/ my daughter today and asked her to remember last night and told her it was not OK to hurt me. I apologized for having to take her off the bike and carry her out of the store, asked for her forgiveness. She apologized (with prompting) and asked for my forgiveness (without prompting). We had a great big wonderful hug and went out for our walk.

I had a rough day though, was a bit short with my poor husband, for no reason. I am going to focus on getting more sleep tonight (I didn’t sleep until 1:30am last night). Sleep is so important!

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I wish that my parents would have been able to read a copy of this book, when I was a little girl. I am absolutely positive if they would have been able to parent in this manner, treat themselves and each other with unconditional love, that all of our lives would have been better by miles.

I know they did the best they could. But if they’d had these tools (what the Beyond Consequences Institute teaches) I know there would have been a lot less darkness, heartache and loss in our lives.

I have attended four of Heather’s in person events this year:

1. “Beyond Consequences Live” – free with a copy of any of her 3 books in November

2. “Every Day is Mothers Day” – A healing conference just for moms – twice; once in May & once in October

3. “Intensive 2 Day Training” – for parents and professionals, in July

I have also attended her 11 week live online course 3 times, and every time I hear her speak I learn something new or change some limiting belief or gain some new understanding. All I can say is, this woman is the most inspiring, intelligent, motivating parent I know and that anyone, be they parent or professional, dealing with children who have difficult behaviors for any reason (medical trauma, emotional trauma, etc) should do themselves a favor and get this book. It unlocks the door in your mind to seeing things in a new way. It gives you the ability to create opportunities for you and your family to heal. It gives you the capability to love yourself and each other unconditionally.

In fact, after almost 15 years of no contact with my younger brother (who, after their divorce, was given over by my parents into the foster care system and bounced around from home to home until he was shipped off to a group home thousands of miles away) I have been able to have a healing conversation with him and love and accept him as my brother again. That first conversation just a few weeks ago that I had on the phone with him, at 32 years old, would have been impossible for me if I had not immersed myself in Heather’s work.

I have more love in my life, for myself, my family and my fellow humans than I ever thought I would be capable of, as a child of trauma myself, having been diagnosed as bipolar and depressed in the past. When I became a mom, and especially when my daughter hit the “terrible twos” I became a monster in moments of stress.

The information in this book (and Heather’s other books) radically altered the course of my life. As another reviewer eloquently said – “miracles!”

I thank God every day for Heather’s work. She truly is working miracles in people’s lives, changing the lives of more people in the world than she will ever know. Now my family is dedicated to helping others to get and use this information to help change their lives for the better too.

Just visit “Dare To Love Tour” to see what I mean. That is how strongly I feel about this information.

Dare To Love!

Andrea =)

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A testimonial for Heather T. Forbes, LCSW and Parenting Expert

“I have seven adopted kids all from disrupted adoptions. If the first families would have had the support and education of Heathers books and seminars they might not have disrupted.

“I’m 56 and have worked with troubled kids all my life. Heather has the best info out there. I myself was developing Hyper-Tension because what I do is so challenging. After I read Heather fist book my stress level dropped 50% because I finally found the answers I was looking for. I will be at the Nov. Seminar with my Bio Daughter, 28 and one of my adopted daughters, 14.

“I had always believed that a lot of the info out there on attachment was harmful and was actually adding to disruptions.

“I tell everyone that is thinking of adopting to read Heather’s books.

“I don’t believe in putting any one on a pedestal or idealizing them. But Heather’s life work will change the lives of more people than she will ever know. And one day I certain she will here the words ‘Well done good and faithful servant.’”

Peggy Thomas

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Online Parenting Classes

“The Beyond Consequences model is refreshing and hope-filled in its focus on healing the child from within through relationship and unconditional love rather than on just correcting outward behaviors with the traditional, fear-based parenting model.” Margie Magar

“Powerful workshop. Left with new insights into myself, and greater confidence in becoming the kind of woman, mother, and helper that I want to be, as well as with some great tools and a support network I truly believe I can count on for help and encouragement on my journey.” Cindy P.

“The online class helped me to move beyond simple knowledge, to changing my paradigm. I feel empowered with the tools and resources to parent out of love, instead of fear. I also feel confident when meeting with teachers and school personnel, knowing what will help my son and what will only bring more behavior challenges. I have found that this paradigm change is applicable not only in parenting, but also in every other area of life – living and responding out of a state of love, instead of a state of fear is for every moment in my life, and applies to every situation. I can’t thank Heather and Andrea enough for the difference they have made in my life!!!” June Ebell

“I attended the Mom’s Conference in May, after reading Heather’s books. I learned much about my parenting style at the conference. The online training, over the time of several weeks, made the material clearer. The weekly classes reinforced the parenting information I was learning. I had several “ah ha” moments when I understood what must have happened to our grandsons. Responding to the child in the moment without judgment is so important and healthy, instead of reacting to the child in fear, anger, judgment. Love is so important!” Judy Gates

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Heather T Forbes Offers Free Full Day Parenting Seminar in the San Francisco Bay Area

In this economy, free doesn’t usually get you much. But mom, licensed clinical social worker, and best selling author Heather T. Forbes is offering parents a free full day seminar on parenting. Forbes’ book Beyond Consequences Logic and Control, A Love Based approach to Helping attachment-Challenged Children  with Severe Behaviors,  leads the adoption section in sales on Amazon and outlines the parenting paradigm she seeks to share.

The mother of two children adopted from Russia, Heather gave up a career as an architect and went back to school to get her Masters in Social Work when presented with challenging behaviors from her children. She learned, in her journey with her own kids, that parenting that is reactive to a child’s negative behaviors, does not help the child’s healing, nor better the relationship between parent and child. Rather, reactive parenting is parenting from a place of fear. So the parent who says to a dysregulated child “You will not talk to me that way” and expects the child to be able to respond appropriately may be disappointed.

“Parenting should always be done from a place of love and not fear,” says Forbes. “Our children are our greatest treasure and their own trauma histories and dysreglation need to be addressed with unconditional love in order to make our lives as parents better and to improve our families’ lives.”

Forbes offers training seminars across the US as well as online Beyond Consequences parenting webinars. But her gift back to the community in an effort to get the word out on this parenting model is to offer these conferences free in at least 8 major cities across the country each year. Over 500,000 children are currently in foster care in the United States and over 130,000 children are adopted each year in this country. Each child comes with his or her own history which often includes trauma and neglect. These children and their families need support and Beyond Consequences provides a practical and loving model for parenting.

The San Francisco Beyond Consequences Live event will be held on Saturday, Nov 14th . More information and free registration is available at http://www.BeyondConsequencesLive.com

For more information or to arrange an interview with Heather T. Forbes, contact Moya Smith or Joy Mangels at 407-965-1131.

Saturday, November 14th, 2009
9:00 am – 4:00 pm
Help One Child
858 University Avenue
Los Altos, CA 94024

I’ll be joining Heather to support her in putting on this event. Will you be there?

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My book review that I just posted on Amazon.com:

“When I first met Heather T Forbes, I interviewed her on my weekly parenting
podcast. I was so impressed that I then read her books and it was like
a light went on inside of me. Finally after 32 years of being alive
someone could explain to me why I was the way that I was.

I had many of these behaviors growing up (lying, stealing,
hoarding, gorging, aggression, defiance) in private. To the outside
world I was beautiful, highly accomplished and friendly. However, my
first marriage crumbled, and only because of my second husband’s
unconditional love and understanding was I able to finally stop
stealing. But when I became a parent I was horrified at how reactive I
was to my daughter (our IVF biological child, no trauma).

Reading this book lead to so much self understanding and healing
for me – it was a GODSEND. Heather puts on a Mom’s Conference several
times a year that I went to in May of 09 and my life did a 180 from
then on. I was able to heal and forgive deep abandonment issues from my
childhood. No longer am I reactive the way that I was before I shifted
to the Beyond Consequences parenting paradigm.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put on meds. I
do not feel that it was accurate, and I am no longer on medication to
deal with my moods.

Granted I have also changed my diet so that I eat more raw dark
leafy greens and fruits daily, something I didn’t before and that has
impacted my outlook on life tremendously. But as Heather says in her
online parenting classes based on this book, all the good food in the
world can’t help you if you don’t truly love yourself, deep down
inside, unconditionally.

Heather’s work will help you understand what that truly means and how to give it to your children.

I have used this understanding and these methods with my almost 3
yr old for the past 5 months with huge success. I think this book
should be retitled to apply to all human beings! Thank God I have the
tools to give my precious child the most loving and respectful
upbringing while respecting and loving myself as well.

I can’t recommend this book enough.

THANK YOU HEATHER!”

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